Monday, November 8, 2010

Bee Medicine administered in Dreamtime.


The two weeks I spent in Hawaii were the most glorious of weeks. The Dreaming and Awakening Workshop has eternally altered my mindscape. Before I left, I was stressing out about my next step in life. I had plans to make and commitments to commit to, but I didn't actually *feel* what I was suppose to do. I intuitively decided that whatever happened in Hawaii was going to guide my decisions, and I had to wait until afterwards to move forward.


I began dreaming of the bee during the workshop. Nothing terribly vivid- simply the image of a bee flying in front of me. I didn't think much of it, but it continued to appear in my dreams. Someone I met there at the workshop, someone very dear to me, told me to "hit the ground running." It didn't really hit me until I got home. In the bathroom one evening, the biggest wasp I'd ever seen suddenly appeared on the mirror in front of me. I thought it was strange, was a little scared, but didn't want to kill it, so I just walked out and pretended I didn't see it. A few nights later, I woke up in the middle of the night for my scheduled sleep interruption. Suddenly I heard the buzzing. The huge wasp was now in my room. I watched it as it landed on one of the ceiling fan blades above my bed. It was like it was just watching me. I let it bee (hahahahaha) and went back to sleep. (right into a lucid dream, by the way.)


So finally, I understood the Bee/Wasp Medicine and the need to "hit the ground running." This is usually the time of year I slow down and get a little down myself. Instead, I am pushing myself into creative action. Even when I feel like crumbling and breaking down (and do on occasion), I dive into my endeavors of creativity and community and active motion. Moving into a home with Janelle in NE Minneapolis is like becoming a community. We are planning on transforming our basement space into a healing space to share with those in our own little community as well. I would like to teach a lucid dreaming course there. I am working on healing and music and art and writing and dreaming, and whatever other form of creative expression I can muster to push me through and keep me busy. All of these things are branches of necessary manifestation. I must keep going.

I have come to realize that my purpose is in my dreams. My dreams are my Work. I learned a lot about myself and my abilities in Hawaii, and I am cultivating the necessary skills to continue progressing towards that goal. I seem to be working more and more with animals and detached pieces of people I know or don't know in the Dreamtime.



I have a great deal of study and work ahead of me. It's very exciting.

Monday, October 25, 2010

Prophet


Prophecy is madness until it comes to pass
wherein madness becomes miracle.
How fine a tension
maintained by the clock's humble hands.
Slowly ticking towards the breaking of action,
the snapping of the linear wire across our first set of eyes.

There is the raving madwoman!
Borne of rock and lava
and will of earth and ocean.
But those maddened lips remain silent
until the properly executed eruption

that is the miracle
coming
to pass.

The prophets;
masters of delayed gratification.
How succulent is the fruit allowed to ripen
slowly.

Oh madwoman, made of flame and ember, grant me your patience.

Saturday, September 4, 2010

eating ghosts


Everyone has a ghost. You are mine.

Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Ever.

These curves are the roots of the Great Tree, ever curling towards the center. These freckles are the soil of the earth, this hair the people of the snake, weaving that soil. These eyes hold the eternities of the singing sea-barren in their pools. These fingertips feed the fires across the skin, burning, releasing.

Ever your lover. Ever your mirror. Ever the earth.

Thursday, July 29, 2010

Empath

Like bees to the honeypot, they're drawn in. If I'd have known I'd have honey oozing from my eyes, acting as amber-shaded prisms all too easily giving away the light from within, maybe I'd have scooped 'em out with a rusted silver spoon years ago. But they come, friends and strangers alike, to rest wearily on my shoulder, weaving their tongues towards the honey I can cry for them. Every gift comes with its own price, its own sacrifice, its own karmic balance. Every gift has a purpose of its own, whether we share that purpose or not.

I can feel it all. Every twisted knot in your belly. Every vein of hurt behind your eyes. We are all books, every one of us. But not all of us know how to read.

And I have cradled her in my arms. That frail little thing, covered in scars and beauty. I stroked her hair lovingly, sinking into that warm black hole she resides in. She rarely speaks. But I have familiarized myself with the energy of silent agony, and she brings me back into it. She is eternally a small child, curled in the darkened corner of her mind.

And I have refused a respectable man. I could feel every growing inkling but could not say a word. I could see the small moves happening in my mind moments before they happened. And when confronted, I had to refuse. The pure crystalline of his eyes, the hard line of his lips above his dark brown beard threaded with a lovely unexpected silver, sent me reeling. Driving away much faster than I needed to, my eyes burst with the sting of misplaced rejection.

And in those moments of yours, when comfort swings towards dissatisfaction, when adoration swings towards anger, I feel myself tilt to adjust to the shifting energy. Crowds are a rage of sex and cynicism. Intentions become clear almost immediately, secret relations and longings are exposed, honest-to-goodness kindness is easily distinguished.

To feel humans like this more and more makes me feel less and less like human.

But this is why I'm here. And I have plenty of Light to share.

Thursday, July 22, 2010

Invictus


Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds and shall find me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.


William Ernest Henley

Friday, July 2, 2010

Glory


Do you feel that?

Something is coming.

A swirling force of purples and blacks. Wrapped in shadow but wreathed in moonlight, dressed in turbulence and smelling faintly of romance. Stirring beneath black reflective pools, slivers of light quivering on the surface. Depth and madness and glory.

Something is coming.

Taste the power on your tongue and prepare yourself for something frighteningly beautiful and wretchedly amazing.

Thursday, July 1, 2010

Eclipse


January 15th of this year was the annual solar eclipse. I woke up in the middle of the night writhing in pain. It went away after an hour or so, and the following day was filled with learning and Light. I thought it was coincidental that the pain came the same time the eclipse did, but I didn't think much of it.

This past Saturday I was in the worst of moods for no reason. I was irritated and overly emotional and withdrawn and very crabby. I was hanging out with a friend, trying to enjoy the festivities in the cities and the day, but I was fighting tears the entire time. It seemed that my past was haunting me, flaunting itself in my face in many ways. By the end of the day, I just broke. Complete temporary breakdown. I started crying uncontrollably for reasons I didn't comprehend. I was completely overcome with emotion. I let it all out. I let myself cry and scream until I couldn't anymore. The next day, I felt lighter, more positive. It wasn't until today that I found out Saturday was the full moon partial eclipse.

I am officially recognizing that the eclipses energetically affect me. (Solar eclipses bring that creative driving force, while lunar eclipses bring that emotional force, that cleansing.) So on July 11th, there will be a total solar eclipse. I want to spend the day focusing on my goals. I want to meditate and work with my creativity and abundance. I would love it if some of my friends would like to get together with me and do the same. Even just to talk about our lives and goals.

Let's take advantage of and flow with the energy that will ruling the day anyways. :D

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

One night, my mind was utterly connected to the stream of EVERYTHING. I sat down at this computer to write the most beautiful story of connectedness I had ever thought of. But as I sat here, I was only able to write the following words:

Little pieces. Everywhere. In everyone.

Monday, June 7, 2010

Keeper of Time


The first time I saw him it was in a dream.

It was months ago. In my dream, I opened my eyes and sat up in my bed. Everything was exactly the same in my room as it was when I fell asleep. But there were two small impish creatures next to my bed.. they were blue and glowing. One was male, one was female. They were chained to eachother and couldn't break free. They looked miserable, tired, imprisoned. They reminded me of The Devil Tarot card. The male was trying to ask for my help. I was frightened, and ran towards my door.

And there he was. He was as tall as the door itself. He was dark and cloaked. I could not see his face, but he held something in his hand. At times it looked like a box, and at times it looked like a clock. He said nothing, but I understood his implications. To me, he was the Keeper of Time. As I ran through him and out my door, I heard in my mind that I could never escape him. He wasn't trying to hurt me, but he wasn't trying to help me. He was neither good nor bad, he just was. He always kept a close eye on me, and it seemed he was getting closer.

That image of him made a huge impact on me. He felt real to me. Not quite a guardian, but something of the sort. Someone important perhaps.

A month later, I was meditating. I was doing a heart chakra meditation where I visited my temple. But I saw something very different from my usual temple. I saw the cloaked man again. Only, this time, he held a limp woman in his arms. She looked dead, or close to it. I watched him carry her to a temple of stones in ruin. There was one stone untouched. It was a sacrificial table. He lifted her up and delicately set her down on this stone.

Then I saw that the woman was me.

Sunday, May 30, 2010

My path through Portland


I had been contemplating going to Portland since my breakup with Alex in February. It seemed like the perfect time. It seemed like a brilliant escape. I wasn't sure though. It felt like the right thing to do, even though it didn't feel entirely like what I actually wanted. My friend Cody asked if I could be there by May 20th. So I was thinking about it. The plan was that we would start in Portland and travel around for the summer.

In mid April, I had a dream. In my dream, I had been taken through this portal into South America. Peru, to be more specific. I have been dreaming of South America for years, before I even knew what it looked like. Anyways, in this particular dream, I was taken to Machu Picchu. It was incredibly real and incredibly vivid. I heard a voice tell me that I should apply for my passport. Near the end of the dream, I found myself in North America again. A white flag appeared in the sky. Then it turned into the American flag, and a huge eagle appeared in front of it. The flag wrapped itself around the eagle, turned white again, and then the eagle flew towards South America. This part seemed significant to me, but I had absolutely no idea what the hell it meant.

The next day, I began researching Peru, now feeling like I had to go there eventually. I serendipitously found myself on this website about a spiritual messenger in Peru named Willaru Huayta. He is said to be a direct descendant of the ancient Inca civilization. Nothing really struck me until I read one of his prophecies: "When the eagle of the North and the condor of the South fly together, the earth will awaken."

I was absolutely dumbfounded. Instantly, it was like a slideshow of my dream played in my mind and connected with this prophecy. I decided to e-mail Willaru and see if he could shed any light on my dream. While searching for a contact e-mail address, I instead came across a list of tour dates on the west coast during May...he was spending a month in the US spreading his message. May would be the only month he would be in the US for the entire year. On the list, I saw he would be in Portland on May 25th, only 5 days after my friends wanted me to be in Portland. It all seemed to click, and I booked my flight that same day. I would talk to him in person rather than e-mail.

When I got to Portland, my friends picked me up from the airport. It was almost instantaneous.. it felt off. I can't even explain it, but it didn't feel right that I was there. I spent the next day and a half feeling upset and close to tears (or in tears) because I felt so wrong. I was confused because it had felt so right before. But my intuition was screaming at me.. I wasn't suppose to be here and I wasn't suppose to do this. This wasn't the life I needed to lead at the time.

I am sorry to say that I upset and disappointed my friends when I left them. I feel sadness for that. But at the same time, I needed to do it. I went and stayed with a longdistance coworker of my father's. This woman, Kristin, and her family took me in with open and welcoming arms for the week. They were absolutely wonderful. They helped me explore and see the city before I had to leave again. The plan was that I would go see Willaru speak on the 25th, and then leave back to MN a few days later.

I sat in a room with a handful of other people, the majority of them much older than myself, and listened to Willaru speak. His messages were profound, rooted in love and simplicity. I often had to close my eyes and listen with my heart, because his accent was so thick. He was a true master; gentle, humorous, simple, profound, humble. I became nervous, wondering what I would say to him. But afterwards, I simply went up to him and said, "I had a dream that led me here." I explained it to him, and I could see his eyes light up in a combination of surprise and recognition. He gave me a card with his contact information on it, and told me that if I felt called, he would host me in Peru for additional teachings.

So this is where I am now. I am corresponding with Willaru over e-mail for now. I would like to save up enough money, and prepare myself spiritually, to go on a pilgrimage to Peru.

After that meeting, all my tension was released. I felt like I had gotten what I went there for. I felt like my mission had been completed. And now I couldn't be happier that I am home again.

The Universe works in very strange ways, but it knows what it's doing. I submitted to its will entirely, without knowing why, and I was led to the right places at the right time. I feel wonderful.

Am I dead or just aware?

I had a very strange moment yesterday...

I was very tired, in that partially asleep, spacey zone. In this state, I suddenly realized that I might be dead.

It might seem silly now, but it felt entirely plausible at the time. I was honestly considering the possibility that everything around me was created in my own mind, and I was just waiting for something or someone to make me remember that I was dead. I honestly could not tell if I was still alive.

So in that moment, I was neither. I wasn't alive and I wasn't dead. I was forced to accept my existence, in whatever form it was in. I decided that if I was alive, I could handle it. I decided that if I was dead, I could also handle it. It was very much like being in that meditative void.

I started paying attention to everything that was going on in the background. Where I was, who was around me, what conversations strangers were having in my hearing range.. thinking, "If I am dead and I created this reality, these places and these strangers and their conversations must have meaning to me somehow." So I picked out pieces of personal meaning in everything around me.. things that would usually seem completely unrelated to my existence. And actually.. it worked! I was able to delve into myself on levels I had neglected and shed some new light on those levels.

Maybe I've been watching too much LOST, but it really altered my perspective on things. In a way, we're all dead, wandering our own created realities, waiting to remember WHO WE ARE.

We have created so much of our worlds, but then we don't even pay attention to what we've built! There are pieces of us in everything around us. It's strange how we can become so unaware...

Am I dead or just aware?

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

fast-track evolution, baby.

I'm just waiting for this strange story to play out.

I can't explain anything or give any conclusions yet. Everything hangs in the air like the everpresent rain here in Portland.

Listening to my intuition and following the guidance of the Universe has twisted my expectations in ways I couldn't even begin to predict. I was strangely disturbed and delighted when I found out how quickly and how intensely my guidance came into play.

I am exactly where I am suppose to be exactly when I am suppose to be. Can't tell you how or why or what will come of it.

Tomorrow, you hold such promise and intrigue.

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

what if these words were nothing more than an internal illusion
no beginning. no end. just time.
and my whispers were scattered in the wind.

would you hear anything outside the sound of your own heartbeat?

Sunday, May 16, 2010

[overdependency.]


Overdependency manifests with many different faces. [as long as it's not our own face.] We avoid ourselves so! We cannot seem to bear the sight and responsibility of our own face, so we force that responsibility onto other faces.

When you ask someone you love to change, what are you asking? Are you not looking into a mirror of yourself, seeing something you dislike, and then asking the mirror to change instead of you? You cannot change them. You can only change yourself.

A spiritual respect must remain in tact for eachother's individual growths for a relationship to work, and demanding change is harmful. You must know when to move on. It seems that so many people are in unhealthy, unsatisfied relationships, because they are just waiting for their partner to change. They suffer, they victimize themselves, they become resentful. They focus on the shortcomings of their partner, their mirror, rather than seeing themselves in their true and sometimes unflattering forms. It is better to be unhappy with another person than be unhappy with yourself it seems. [overdependency.]

When you are hurt by someone, you want them to apologize for their crimes so you can move on. You cry and suffer until they comfort you. You feel you cannot heal until you hear "I'm sorry" from someone. Why do you need their apologetic blessing anyways? It may soothe your emotional sharpness, but it doesn't change anything that happened. I'm not saying you cannot forgive, for forgiveness is an amazing and necessary experience. But I am saying that they have no claim over you and your happiness and freedom. You don't need their approval to move on or heal. [overdependency.]

TRUE healing comes from within. It is not reliant upon the admissions of those who hurt you. If you can learn that you don't need to hear "I'm sorry" to gain closure, the freedom comes. No one can heal you. You can only heal yourself.

PLEASE- look at yourself in the mirror. Honestly look at yourself for ten minutes. Can you do it? I think many people would find their problem is right there in the mirror with them.

Thursday, May 6, 2010

How closely one finds pain and peace. The truth will always come out. Smokescreens will fail. His face turns into hers, and her face turns into mine. We are all twisted and contorted from the discomfort of disillusionment. Past the angles of his cheeks, the color of his eyes, the turn of his lips, there is only dust. Cosmodust and ash, revolving around that center point of gravity. The resting place. What is that resting place? Is it you? Is it her? Is it God?

Can it hold to you? Will it remain when all else has failed?

Or will you dissolve into the ash?

Monday, May 3, 2010


I was lying in bed meditating last night. I love it when meditation is the last thing I do at night before sleeping. I love meditating until I fall asleep. Makes transition into sleep so beautiful!

Anyways, I was lost in a world of in-between states. I would think of things, and forget them almost instantaneously because I was so "in" it. After awhile of bliss, I suddenly got a strong surge of energy. With the energy, my third eye flew open...I could clearly see the ceiling above me, but my eyes were closed. It only lasted as long as the surge..no more than a few seconds it seemed.

But then, an image. An image of a man standing next to my bed, tucking me in. Only I was a small child. He lovingly wrapped an afghan around my body and walked towards the door. When he was at the door, I suddenly realized I was no longer a child and my awareness of present time kicked in. "Wait!" I said. He stopped and stood in the doorway, his back to me. He was tall and slender, wearing dresspants, a white dress shirt and a dark gray vest over his shirt. He had shoulder length straight brown hair. Though I couldn't see his face, I knew he was pale and I thought he had blue eyes. He didn't turn to face me.

It seemed he was sad. It felt like he'd been with me all my life. I asked, "Are you him?" even though I'm not entirely sure what that means. But then, another wave of energy came over me, lulling me into a deep sleep.

I wonder if I'll come across him again.

Sunday, May 2, 2010

lifeblood of gaia


on friday, my roommate heather and i went to camp coldwater spring off 55. we filled our bottles with the fresh sacred water and walked around for awhile, enjoying the general beauty and splendor. a man came up to us. he told us stories about the history of the spring and the 4 sacred oak trees representing the cardinal directions that were cut down near there years before.

he told us that water was the lifeblood of mother earth. it sustains the earth as well as it sustains us. if we poison our own blood, we become sick. if we poison the blood of gaia, she will become sick as well. he had tremendous respect for the earth, and for all its inhabitants as well. he told us how he was angry with the white men after they cut down the sacred oak trees, but has since realized that each color of man brings with it many gifts, no one gift being more important than another. as he spoke, it rained on us, light and cool. i remember thinking how important this moment could be.

later, we walked around at minnehaha park. we watched the waterfall, and heather said "try watching a single drop go all the way down the waterfall. puts it into a different perspective." and it definitely did. it reminded me of the man's stories. we continued walking, and sat on a bridge over a river. we talked more about water being the lifeblood of gaia. there was a breeze that went through just then. it was very alive. it was recognition.

so here i am. i am no longer a prisoner to all my previous attachments. i am empty again, in the best way. i am learning things from nature and gaia and from friends and strangers. i am raw and learning again. and soon i will be traveling again, collecting lessons from the universe. this feels right. this feels free.

Tuesday, April 27, 2010


this is an entirely new brand of suffering i hadn't experienced before. surreal. theatrical. like a fucked up movie where the ending is not particularly pleasant for anyone. but it's kind of beautiful in the literary sense. this is eris, taking form in human emotion. raw. writhing.

this is my emotional rebirthing. and it is for so many other people as well. we are all dealing with the same exact issues with various faces. rebirth is beautiful and amazing, but it is also bloody and traumatic. we are knee deep in the blood of our births and it seems like the pain will never end.

the chaos dragon has forced me to look straight into the eyes of the mirror, deep into that little shadowy pocket in myself. even with all the spiritual transformation and ascension, that little pocket remains. that's where the remnants of my abuse hide. that pocket is the reason that i feel angry at this new kind of betrayal, rather than acceptance. i cannot change people, even if they choose to make reckless decisions that affect me negatively. i want justice, but i know the universe will deliver the divine justice it always does.

these are just emotions! they pass! they change! some of these people we think we love that we think love us back are just emotional attachments without balance! it's a personal sin to settle for someone who doesn't treat you the way you deserve. do yourself a service!

you don't need this. you are afraid to be alone. not only because you are afraid no one else will be there, but because you will have to be there with yourself. but you are more important than your emotional attachments and your lust and your desires and your comforts! you need to figure that out!

it's time to wake up. it's time to eliminate those in your life who aren't good for you. it's time to just be okay with yourself. even though it hurts. even though it KILLS you inside.

Monday, April 12, 2010

i write to you from an altered state of consciousness. induced by the lapping of the waves and the tapping of the rains. i am one hundred feet tall and i am inhabiting.

you have created your own sorrow. while it is true that you create your own reality, you have not taken into account the free will of others and the nature of humanity. your heart is broken by your own illusion, not by that whom you believe has harmed you. you built your loved ones into your ideal reality in your mind, but you can not tamper with their wills without consequence. release them.

let your thoughts wash over you, like wave upon wave washing over the shore. do not hold to them. they are impermanent. they are just passing.

you are not bound to this world. you are not bound to money nor family nor career nor passion. but you are bound to personal choice.

you must hold your beliefs lightly. do not let your beliefs imprison you or prevent your mind from changing and growing. the way is yielding. it is not the firm grip of the defender. it is passive, but it is assertive, because it just is.

we are moving from a dualist world to something more fluid. do not cling to dualism. do not cling to anti-dualism. do not cling to anything which changes. do not cling to anything. feel that everything is one. feel that nothing is a duality. but understand that we still inhabit a world which is strongly dualist, and we must know how to function and relate and understand. do not push away or deny that which is not one in thought yet.

spiritual truths are dangerous when not fully understood and integrated. do not use any spiritual truth as a form of escapism. do not use spiritual truth as an excuse for your actions or your words. you are fully responsible for yourself, and no amount of half-truth will protect you from the consequences. do not think yourself better because you possess these half-truths. they only become full truths when you become humbled and small by them.

be kind. be open. be honest.

Monday, March 8, 2010

i die in the wintertime. i sleep in my insides. i become so lonely i can't even think straight. i fall into myself and feel abandoned by nature.

today i feel myself waking. i feel that dark magick lurking in the air. i feel those elementals i know so well swirling around me, watching me, waiting for me. i can hear it. i can taste it. i cannot cope with winter, because i cannot cope with the absence of my elementals. but tonight, in the damp fog, i felt my power rising again. i see the fire in the fireplace and it is alive. i feel my eyes adjusting to the night, knowing there is both fear and love in the darkness, and knowing i can choose to battle or balance. my senses are stirring.

i am kathleen marie flaherty. and that is enough.

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

woman scorned

"Hell hath no fury!" she screamed, as the dangerously purple-hued clouds swirled about her crown. Her booming voice, no less than a deafening clap of thunder in her lover's ears, rang with divine justice, as if the scales of Libra had been weighed and the raindrops now detailed the outcome. Flashes of feeling, flashes of anger and resentment, lit up her eyes, appearing to her lover only as lightning on the distant horizon. That cursed horizon that would always remain juuust out of reach, the ever-illusive journey to the Holy Grail.
Oh, how her insides bled with abandonment, the crimson seeping up from the very roots of the soil. How her hair hung in strands of dried sticks and leaves, crumbling at his very glance. Feeling the shackles press into her delicate ankles (the same godforsaken shackles her lover now wears), she cried out, losing her footing and her will.
"Why have you betrayed me?!" she howled to him, the utter despair pulling her own words back into her throat. Her cries came out as but a small echo, lonely and unheard by man. Her hair blew away now in the restless winds of her hands, scattering like ashes on the endless path of concrete. The only remains of a love that was once everything.
She recalled the days of completion, when man and woman played together in the fields of what use to be and what is. When together they gazed at the sky and created maps of the stars. When he would dance as if golden feathers sprang forth from the blood in his hands, like it was the most natural thing in the world to sprout the most glorious of wings. And she would dance around him lovingly, lending him the air to fly on. And soon enough, they would forget where he ended and she began.
But now, he sits from inside his steel box of a home, passively glancing at her from time to time. At times, he sees the scars on her flesh, the bruises he has inflicted upon his former love himself. They burn his eyes and force him to look away. He has other loves now. Loves with metal and loves with wheels. And so, what was once Goddess is now just Ground. She remains resigned to her ill-fated love, her lovely body crumbling into dirt with time.
Soon enough, however, she will rise from the ashes like the strange Phoenix and she will fight back. She will face the man who betrayed her. Who once worshiped her. Who destroyed her.
Soon enough, however, Mother Earth will respond as the woman scorned she is.