this is an entirely new brand of suffering i hadn't experienced before. surreal. theatrical. like a fucked up movie where the ending is not particularly pleasant for anyone. but it's kind of beautiful in the literary sense. this is eris, taking form in human emotion. raw. writhing.

this is my emotional rebirthing. and it is for so many other people as well. we are all dealing with the same exact issues with various faces. rebirth is beautiful and amazing, but it is also bloody and traumatic. we are knee deep in the blood of our births and it seems like the pain will never end.

the chaos dragon has forced me to look straight into the eyes of the mirror, deep into that little shadowy pocket in myself. even with all the spiritual transformation and ascension, that little pocket remains. that's where the remnants of my abuse hide. that pocket is the reason that i feel angry at this new kind of betrayal, rather than acceptance. i cannot change people, even if they choose to make reckless decisions that affect me negatively. i want justice, but i know the universe will deliver the divine justice it always does.

these are just emotions! they pass! they change! some of these people we think we love that we think love us back are just emotional attachments without balance! it's a personal sin to settle for someone who doesn't treat you the way you deserve. do yourself a service!

you don't need this. you are afraid to be alone. not only because you are afraid no one else will be there, but because you will have to be there with yourself. but you are more important than your emotional attachments and your lust and your desires and your comforts! you need to figure that out!

it's time to wake up. it's time to eliminate those in your life who aren't good for you. it's time to just be okay with yourself. even though it hurts. even though it KILLS you inside.