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there was this time when i ingested a particular something. in a particular somewhere. with a particular someone.
paranoia first. nothing extravagant, but a growing fear of the darkness around me. ingest more. more paranoia. i tell myself that there is nothing to fear because i am everything around me. i free myself from myself. the shackles are removed in one swift motion, as a warm surge of light energy comes from the earth, travels up my spine and explodes out my head. there is tingling, and i am blinded by light.
once again, i am shrouded in paranoia. my ingestion partner seems perfectly level headed, and suddenly i am convinced this was an evil plan to drug me and make me powerless and vulnerable. "Are you in on this?" i keep asking. "I don't know what you mean" is the reply i get. "Are you in on this?" i ask again and again. the entire world is visually altered.. only little pieces visible to me at times. mostly i exist in a world of thought forms now, made of light and shadow and sound vibrations.
then, i shoot back down into my body and physical awareness. i see the campfire in front of me. it is silent and i fidget. "Is there anything you didn't get that you want?" he asks. suddenly, i am a demon. a demon inhabiting this girls body, and he has figured it out and wants to exorcise me. i need to get away so i can remain in this body. "I want to lay down." i strangely say. but i don't.
another change. no longer a demon. now i am inside a golden triangle. everything i can see is inside this golden triangle. he is wandering about the campsite doing various things. sometimes he stops to say something to me but i can't understand, for i am too busy counting his eyes.. he has 8 now? i jump from thought form to thought form, diligently thinking. Ah ha! Suddenly! Enlightenment! i have figured out enlightenment. i walk towards him to tell him what it is, but then, the triangle flips over onto its side and everything jumbles, including the thought forms! oh shit. i have to figure out enlightenment all over again! i think and i think, and sometimes i get frustrated. when i get particularly frustrated, i look to my side to see buddha sitting there, laughing at me. in my mind he tells me not to take it so seriously. for the triangle will flip everytime i reach enlightenment.
leaning on my car now. music playing from inside. the music feels. the vibration sounds. the woman singing holds emphasis on her S's, and the impression of a serpent dawns upon me. a particular vibration in the music pushes me away from the car. when i think i am about to fall to the ground, another vibration pulls me back, and i fall against the hood of the car. repeatx3. my body is at the mercy of the Ssssssssss. my limbs have become organic, fluid, and out of my control.
i stand against my car still, knowing i am unable to keep my balance while at the mercy of the vibrations. my ingestion partner comes by to check on me.. but i am in another place. my body begins to shake and gyrate, as if a living serpent is inside of my belly. it becomes stronger. my neck twists as if there are no bones in it. my arms raise to the sky. the serpent shoots out my crown chakra, and i am lifted from the ground. i am a statue of a powerful goddess, with a serpent wrapped around her glorious body. the night sky is illuminated with a beautiful golden light.. shimmering golden light. there is a halo around the goddess's head. i am free. i am powerful. i am a woman i am a serpent. i am the goddess and the goddess is everything. there is a high wall made of gold next to me to my right, with beautiful colored carvings that light up. to my left, there is a cave with a fire inside.
in the tent now. laying down. i stare at the ceiling of the tent. the dampness of the air enfolds me. i realize i am no longer in wisconsin. i am in australia. i am inside one of my dreams, and outside the tent i know that i am surrounded by tall grasses, fog, and animals. for some reason, many of my dreams take place in australia.
i need grounding. i call out for alex. i find myself in a large lodge made of wood. it is native american in appearance. there are torches on the walls and it is empty. upon calling for alex again, i am placed in front of a totem of an owl. the totem houses and protects his spirit, but he is elsewhere. i am comforted and satisfied knowing the totem protects him. i ask if he is my soul mate, and i am told he is. i leave the lodge.
i am back in my body in the tent. my ingestion partner and i embrace eachother.
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my shoulders have cooled.
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