i want you. i seek you. i crave you.

(from 07/19/09)

I want you the way a child wants a cardboard box.

Toys of lights and sounds no longer amuse me

As they stop listening to me

Once their sirens sing.

I push their buttons and they scream back at me,

Without understanding why I pushed them at all.

But O, my love, to make a home of you.

To scribble loving words on your walls

With crayons that smell like lavender and pine

Knowing you will not scrub them clean.

To open your cardboard folds like arms,

And crawl inside like I crawl back into the womb.

Carrying my ringlets and my dolls,

To the warm all-encompassing cave

where you hide us and protect us from

The dark wintry city of men outside.

And love and embrace us, as we love and embrace you.

I seek you the way a seagull seeks the breeze.

I can fly easily enough on the air of stillness,

Flapping my wings vigorously

To keep myself high above the sea

But sooner than later I tire

And my wings beat with the soreness of

Lonely repetitive muscles

As I slowly fall to the depths

Dependent and failing on myself

And my persistence to live.

But O, my love, to ride on your gale,

Your cool breath caressing my weary feathers,

Easing my tension as I soar

through waves that can be identified

as neither wind nor water.

But waves of what is and what was

Into waves of what bird and sky could be.

I crave you the way a young woman craves her first glass of wine.

I could lay my unsoiled head on my pillow

Under the sober light of the moon

And stay warm enough with the blankets

Wrapped around my coiled chilled body

But such is a warmth that remains on the outside

A place I no longer wish to be.

But O, my love, to sip from your cup,

To feel your liquid heat

Passing through my buzzing lips

Tender gates that can be opened only once

As soon the sensuous dam gives way.

An inner heat rising from my stirring womb

You caress my cheeks

Warm, flushed with pink.

Softly my head swims

With a dizziness so delightful

I lose all sense of being

Of doing, of seeing, 

And I willingly fall into you

Like a mad fever.