experiencing God

Carl Jung described himself as having two personalities. His No 1 personality was his rational self; his scientific fact driven mind, his ability to function and progress within society. His No 2 personality was his sacred self; the part of him that felt direct experience with God when he was alone and unafraid of the consequences of such experience. With his No 2, he always felt he had a secret to keep. The secret of experiencing God in such a direct manner. There are so few who experience God in this way, and both myself and Jung have found that God cannot be experienced like this in church. That observation brings with it a wave of shame, however, coming from a Christian home with Christian values and dogma burned in the mind. Jung's difficulties with his sacred self have actually become a small comfort to me as I integrate my own sacred self. 

Friday night, I dreamt Alex and I were walking up a staircase, and we met a woman who was walking down it. She looked straight through my soul, and was complaining that she couldn't breathe. At the bottom, she fell. She went limp, but around her body was a vibrant blue light, with a white streak through her chest, and red and purple at the edges of the blue. I was freaking out.. I wondered if she was going through a healing, and then I wondered if I was the one doing it. 

Saturday morning, Erika called. Her friend Michelle was in the hospital, comatose and close to death. Her lungs had filled from a bad case of pneumonia, and she acquired some sort of lung disease on top of that. It wasn't getting better. She asked if I could help. I readily agreed and met up with her a few hours later. We got to the hospital, where Erika explained to the nurses that I was a healer. I had to put on a mask before I went in the room, and when I entered, I was immediately intimidated and slightly terrified. Michelle was strapped sideways to a mechanical bed, completely out, tubes going and coming everywhere. Alas, it seemed to be the same woman from the dream. I proceeded to do a session on her, as 6 or 7 waves of strong energy came through me. The heat was incredible. I used the color techniques the dream had shown me. Michelle was resigned inside herself.. she was not fighting. I energetically encouraged her to fight and to hold on and told her that her life was in her own hands as well. 

Afterwards, I was exhausted and dizzy. Erika told me that during the session, her oxygen levels had spiked from 86 to 95. I left feeling small. So small. I cried the whole way home, overwhelmed by the prospect of having this kind of impact on someone's actual life. Two hours later, Erika called and told me Michelle's vitals had stabilized and she was nearly off the ventilator. Erika and Michelle's husband were extremely grateful to me, and instead of giving me more confidence in my abilities, it just made me feel smaller in this world. In a good way though, I think. Humbler. The power of God is a mighty thing.