demons and visions

i am in the middle of the roadtrip from portland to new mexico. right now we're staying at some friends of laaz and cody's in salt lake city.

i have experienced so many varying emotions and moods since i have been gone that it's almost ridiculous. i've gone from being completely amazed and infused with love by the new surroundings, to panicking and wondering where i am and missing alex horribly. i don't think i've ever had to make such a huge adjustment before, so it's pretty normal, but i'm still really working on meditation and visualization to put me at ease. there have been moments where i fear the universe and its plan for me... which is the worst thing i could do. so i need to merge myself back into the tao without fear and with an open heart.

i had a few nights where i had my familiar demon dreams again. one of the mornings, i woke up with a ton of scratches on my chest (right at the door of my heart chakra) and even some on my legs, stomach, and face. i think that they are attacking me in my vulnerability.. in being away from who i love, and are trying to feed me fear. after talking about it with alex, i think it may have stopped. last night my dreams were demonfree.

something very strange happened two days ago.. i was meditating, working on a "hear your inner voice" visualization.. i was visualizing a green garden filled with pink light and rose quartz crystals all over the ground. but suddenly, i was given an entirely different vision... it was twilight.. right when the sun sinks below the horizon and the sky is mostly dark blue with hints of orange and pink near the bottom. it was in the desert. there was a small cliff wall to the left, and the rest of the space was desert sand. however, there were large animal bones scattered in the sand, along with a few rocks. there was a woman standing on one of these rocks... she wore this white dress that really just looked like a silk sheet torn and wrapped around her body. she had shoulder length dark hair. she was tall and curvy but slender. she looked both powerful and delicate; gentle and menacing. she was staring at me, though i couldn't make out her facial features. and her arm was outstretched, pointing to something on the right. before i could tell what she was pointing to, someone spoke to me and my concentration was broken.