Dreams and Waking

A year and a half ago, when I was working in the Edinborough Corporate Center in Edina, I was taking my lunch break in Edinborough Park. It had been a strange day, and I was allowing myself to use my lunch break, to, well, totally space out. And when I space out, I really space out. I find myself naturally slipping out of my body into other places and perspectives, sometimes even when I'm not meaning to. (I suppose this is one of the skills I picked up from experiencing abuse - many abuse survivors learn how to dissociate and separate from their bodies in times of trauma. I have transformed this into a skill to use in meditation and lightwork.) I suddenly found that Edinborough Park had changed; the world was slanted, as if I was on a staircase, residing in the slant between two floors. I was between two worlds, two realities, two planes. I saw the park, but I saw the layers of energy used to create the illusion of the park. Everything was alive, and the energy was so dense I felt powerful enough to create anything I chose. I saw that everything had its own energy signature. And then, I felt an energy signature that was familiar to me. It was the signature of a dream I had had. I found myself IN the dream again, energetically. From there, I discovered I could navigate into other dreams as well, simply by seeking the energy signature. It was that day that I truly realized that our dreamworld and our waking world touch eachother, and that I could walk between them.

From that point, the two worlds became closer and closer. Dreams led to waking events, waking events led to dreams. There are many cases where I will dream something of someone and then tell that person about it upon waking. Many times, the dream will be accurate to the subject's past experiences. Other times, the dream resonates with them, and then they go on to fulfill the exact thing I dreamt. That makes me wonder a few things. 1. Did I dream a future that would have existed whether I had told the person or not? 2. Did I create the future I dreamt by telling them? And 3. Does it even really matter which is which? I have experienced psychic impressions with perfect strangers, going both ways, and I have learned deep intimate secrets from those I care about, as well as about myself. With these occurrences, I have discovered with even more conviction that the waking world and the dreamworld are connected, and what's even more important, WE ARE ALL CONNECTED THROUGH THEM!

When I began doing healings on clients, I went deeper down this rabbit hole. During the healings, I found myself emptying, transcending, going to other places and planes and seeing many things. I was quite surprised to find that while traversing these other places on behalf of my clients, I wandered through many energetic signatures from past dreams! Here, in this transcendent place of healing, is access to all the dreams I've ever had, as real as when I first dreamt them. It was in this moment that I truly realized that the dreamworld and the otherworld (the place beyond this place, the "other side") are the same place.

I often have dream familiars visit me-- teachers and guides and healers. When something is wrong, I am given strange medicines of moonstone capsules and magical fingernails. When I am in need of comforting, I dream of beluga whales and otters playing with me in big pools where I can easily breathe underwater. When I am feeling weak, Merlin visits me with oatmeal to give my heart strength. All of my prayers are being answered and all of my needs are being met in the otherworld if only I have the imagination to see it. And once I see it, it spills over into the waking world as well, where I can use synchronicity as my compass. Anything we need, we can discover in the dreamworld if only we have the eyes to see.

Let's recap:
-The dreamworld and the otherworld are the same place.
- In this place we have access to the past, present and future of ourselves and everyone we can imagine.
-We can access this place anytime we desire, for anything we could ever possibly need. 

So what are you dreaming about?
:)

Why not?

Change is most often the hardest because we've developed the tendency to make assumptions about happiness. This kind of life = this kind of structure. These kinds of decisions = eventual happiness vs. these kinds of decisions = unhappiness. If you have this = you cannot have that.

Even when we work to not do this, we still do it. I had the biggest example of this smack me in the face and blow my mind this past week:

A little over a year ago, I had this big magical dream for my life. I was going to be a shaman, traveling the world, helping to heal, living on top of a mountain, single and fabulous forever. And then! I fell in love, got engaged, and am getting married in October of this year. And when I saw myself developing this new life with this man with our new rituals and habits and lifestyles, somewhere in my consciousness I was under the impression that I was giving up my old dream for this one. I knew I couldn't be this powerful shaman and be someone's devoted wife at the same time. It just didn't work that way.

When the wedding planning started getting intense, I found myself getting lost in it all. People telling me what traditions I was to uphold, what items I was to register for, what kind of wedding I would have. I've heard a lot about what I'm "supposed" to be. So I freaked out, of course! I don't want to be this, this is not me! I don't think I want this, this is not my dream! Ugh I don't think I can do this! I wanted to be a shaman and now I can't!


And then I realized... WHY NOT?

Who said I can't have both?  I choose the life I want, and I can choose to embrace and embody both aspects which seemed so conflicting to me. Happiness to me is a fulfilled spiritual existence where I can grow and lead. Happiness to me is also being with an unconditional lover for a lifetime. Happiness = happiness. Why do we need to complicate it and limit ourselves by what we think is the way things work?

It was such a simple realization. But so rarely do we truly feel like we can accomplish all of our dreams. By allowing myself to express my limitations (via freaking out), they came to the surface to be re-evaluated. It forced me to ask myself the question Why not?

So this a simple reminder. A reminder for you to speak the limitations you're placing on yourself and ask yourself a question. Nothing poetic, nothing profound, just a simple question.

WHY NOT?

11 Ways to Ease Release

I've been talking to many people whose lives seem to be reaching their boiling points. Relationships, careers and lifestyles are ending or beginning. Confusion and enlightenment come a'knocking, often times both at once. The great 2012 energetic shift is already in progress, and you are a part of it! With all this new energy becoming available to us, we are offered the ability to manifest things faster, to release everything that holds us back, and to become the divine beings we truly are! But the process of releasing what holds us back can be painful, aggressive and difficult. When we release things, we often feel them rising up within us, wreaking havoc as they leave us and making us feel crazy for feeling them again. You may feel yourself releasing traumatic events, negative thought patterns and behaviors, and feelings that don't serve you (like self-loathing, guilt, shame). This is a very natural, healthy thing to experience. In order to make room for the wonderful energies coming in, we have to clear out our crap! These new energies are really moving the process along-- I've noticed the rate of release has increased exponentially since 2012 thundered in. So I have compiled a list of 11 ways to ease the overwhelming nature of release.

1. SURRENDER / ALLOW.
In these chaotic times, it is of the utmost importance to allow these changes to happen. We have all been conditioned to fight, fight, fight! Never give up, never let go! But when it comes to releasing what no longer serves us, we need to surrender ourselves to a higher will. It is okay to be struck down - it is important to be struck down. Our stubbornness in holding on to our issues will prevent us from integrating into this new energy. Surrender to the changes!

2. DON'T OVERTHINK YOUR FEELINGS.
While releasing difficult negative emotions, we often feel them as they leave us. We feel the guilt or shame or trauma in a very real way that may make us question what is happening. We may spend hours mulling over why these feelings are coming up and how. Focusing on these questions will tie you to them, creating an attachment to your negative feelings that impairs the releasing process. Acknowledge that you are feeling them, accept that you are feeling them, but don't become attached to them. Be an impartial observer. If you need to cry, cry! But don't worry about why you are crying. None of it will matter once it has been released.

3. LISTEN TO YOUR BODY.
Your body is very smart. If you attune yourself to it, it will tell you exactly what it needs. Are you feeling more tired than usual? Rest - your body needs some downtime to process. Are you craving heavier foods than usual? Eat those heavier foods - your body needs grounding. Of all times to "suck it up" to continue your usual routine, this is certainly not one of them. It's okay to put off your workout or your diet or your night out if it means it will help you become who you're meant to be.

4. HYDRATE.
As you cast off your dense negative energy and begin integrating the light energy, your body may become dehydrated. In some cases, you may develop flu-like symptoms. It's very important to be drinking a lot of water. Water helps your body integrate the energy and soothe the process. Going swimming or taking a bath also helps. On difficult days, I imagine the water in the shower is divine white light, pouring through me, cleansing me. This is a great little ritual.

5. MEDITATE / PRAY.
Spend at least 15 minutes a day in meditation or prayer. Find that sense of stillness and peace and connection to God every day. Encourage yourself to continue surrendering to the change.

6. PRACTICE GRATITUDE.
When we feel our negativities rising, it can be all too easy to overlook the positive. Each day, choose one thing you are grateful for. It can be anything, tangible or not. Throughout the day, consciously send light and gratitude to your chosen thing. This will help you draw more light and healing into yourself, as well as keep perspective in a difficult time. (This is also beneficial to whatever you choose to be grateful for!)

7. CRAFT.
When you are feeling anxious, bombarded by a mixture of emotions, and you're not sure what to do with yourself, try crafting. Do something creative with your hands! Keep it easy as to avoid further frustration. Try painting or knitting or building models or whatever it is you can get your hands into! I recently took up woodburning for DIY projects. It is doing wonders.

8. LOSE YOURSELF IN STORIES.
There will be times when you may feel so hopeless, you cannot even bear the thought of meditating or doing something creative for yourself. That's okay - it happens. These are perfect times to get into a movie or book or TV show. Lose yourself in the stories of others, as they can be the best teachers. Keep the themes positive though. Avoid movies or shows with a lot of violence and anger. Exposing yourself to the positive stories of others in your hopeless state can be incredibly therapeutic. I've really been getting into the BBC show Merlin. The message of magick and honor is comforting to me. I've also been reading books by one of my favorite authors Robert Moss. He is a brilliant storyteller.

9. CONNECT WITH NATURE.
Nature can be the best medicine. Nothing is more grounding than sticking your toes in the sand. Nothing is more invigorating than breathing in fresh air on an afternoon walk. In a world where the artificial rules, the earth can be your greatest ally.

10. PROTECT YOUR SPACE.
Use sage or palo santo to clear out the energy in your home. With all the changes occurring and all the energies being released from you, it's important to clean up your mess. Those negativities may linger if not purified. The energy in your home is also connected to the energy of surrounding places. Are your neighbors unpleasant people? Is there a bar just down the street from you? Their negative energy may meander into your home. Saging regularly is always a good idea to get rid of the nasty stuff. You can also use Sacred Geometry to further protect your space.

11. ASK FOR HELP!
When was the last time you genuinely asked for help? Somewhere along the line, we've gotten the idea into our heads that asking for help makes us weak. When in fact, asking for help can be a great sign of both strength and wisdom. We cannot go it alone. Ask your friends, ask someone in the healing community, ask God! When asking from an honest place, we receive. Always.


(Many healings are available to help and activate the process. There are two I would recommend highly: the Spiritual Light Initiation and the Life Activation. Click the links for more info.)

Departure Time: Delayed

I find myself in an airport. I am lucid from the start, as has happened in this airport before. It's as if the security gates are the gates into automatic awareness.

It's a busy evening for travelers. The airport is filled with people bustling around. Some rushing and hectic, some wandering and stranded. I don't know any of these people. Most of them keep rushing past me without paying attention to my presence. But some notice me. And they keep trying to talk to me. It seems some of them are yelling. I bump into a South American man in his early 30s as I walk through the crowds. He is speaking angrily in Spanish as he looks back at me. I turn and say "Lo siento," as I shrug my shoulders. He laughs and smiles and continues on his way. I turn back and find there are more and more people trying to talk to me. The noise builds and reaches the level of an orchestral cacophony and I can no longer distinguish words. I become overwhelmed.

I go to sit on the floor next to some chairs against a wall. (More like I hide there.) I look to my left. I am sitting next to a girl. She is young, maybe 12 years old. She has the softest blond hair and the biggest bluest eyes I've ever seen. Her beauty is striking to me, and as I stare at her, realization begins to sink in. She stares back at me, curious but blank.

I ask her, "Are you dead?" She responds with a timid, uninterested "yes."

I am beginning to assess my bearings now but need clarification. "Are you human?" I ask her, mentally debating on the use of "are" or "were" with a ghost.

She again replies with a yes, but this time, her eyes have locked on my own and she seems to be waiting for me to do or say something. She silently expects something from me.

This is when I come to understand the nature of the airport and my role here. I know I am here in the spirit of service. All these people are just spirits trying to get home, and some of them are having trouble doing it on their own. However, I don't know how exactly to help. I tried summoning a friend of mine who could help, as I do in many of my lucid dreams, but no one came. I get caught up in the confusion and my focus shifts from the people in the airport to me. As this happens, everyone just disappears. I am now in a dark, abandoned airport. I was essentially kicked out of that level of dreaming!

Now I know I need to put in some thought and preparation for my next try at the spirit airport, and hopefully I can get something done.

[I am]

[I am] merely a breath.

I inhale as human,
and exhale as God.

The talons of choice and pleasure,
the flying dragons to ride.
Pain and suffering
and the dawn where the sleeping die.

Protect me, Father.
Nurture me, Mother.
For I am rough and unable to soften at your feet.

I breathe in the girl
and breathe out the archetype.
Maiden, crone, I will be them all,
As I prepare for rebirth each night.

I breathe in each wound,
and breathe out each as healed.
The cub in the mighty lion's mouth,
I am vulnerability, revealed.

Protect me, Father.
Nurture me, Mother.
For I am scraped raw at your feet to wash.

There is no separation of will
no stale egoic agenda or petrified soapbox.
My chalice empties breath by breath
my societal-induced psychosis unlocks.

I inhale as human,
and exhale as God.

[I am] merely a breath.

Tea-Partying Through Tornadoes

It's really quite amazing how fear controls so many aspects of ourselves, our lives, our creations, our thoughts and our actions. How many things do we NOT do because of fear? How many unnecessary or unhealthy things do we do to avoid feeling that fear?

Fear seems to be one of the key issues I've been working with the past year. I have a lot of baggage, of course, and I have a lot of issues, like we all have issues. But the strides I have made in this department have been transformative, enlightening, life-altering and even kind of shocking.

The tricky thing about fear, though, is that we have built up these complexes about our fears, to the point where we don't even know what the original sin was/is. We execute all of our fear-based actions automatically, without being aware of the root. To address this problem, we can turn to our dreams.

Our dreams process our emotions and fears in a very symbolic, very real way. You may have nightmares about something you wouldn't ordinarily feel afraid of in waking life, and because it seems strange or random to you, you ignore it. Same with reoccurring dreams. You may wonder why you always have the same, seemingly meaningless dream. It's time to bring more awareness here.

If you can face your dream symbols, even without knowing what they represent, it affects your waking life. Our dreams and our waking life are connected to the point where if you alter one, the other is altered with it. Even if you can't name the problem, the solution is still that- the solution.

For example, for a few years I've had reoccurring dreams of tornadoes. The tornadoes are always coming straight for me, and I do everything I can to get away, whether I'm running, driving, swimming, whatever. See, I'm the kind of person who stands out on her dock with her camera during tornado warnings hoping to see one and get close to one, so this is not a waking fear I have. But in the dreams, I am terrified beyond belief. Last week, I found myself in the midst of another tornado dream. I saw it coming, and ran into a nearby diner to find shelter. But then the entire building began to move across the parking lot. I did a protection ritual that I do in waking life to try and protect the people in the diner, but they all stared at me solemnly, knowing the tornado was after me alone. Finally, I submitted. I realized that I could die, and that this wasn't something I could control or predict. I gave it to God: I said, "Okay. If I am meant to die during this, that is okay. If I'm meant to live, that is okay too. I give you my submission." I held my arms out and closed my eyes. Everything got dark and quiet, and an incredible tingling warmth filled my body until I was completely relaxed and in joy. Then I woke up.

I knew the tornado represented some sort of fear, but I hadn't known what exactly it was until facing it in the Dreamtime. I fear what I cannot predict. I am able to feel out people and situations fairly well because of intuition and informative dreams, but the things I cannot predict at all terrify me. After submitting to the tornado, I feel better about facing the unknown in my waking life. I can't fully explain this psychological connection, but I know that it's there. It simply feels different, freer!

I think all of us are so conflicted and our fears are so complex and twisted that we could all use some dream therapy. Don't worry about interpreting your dreams if you don't understand the symbols. But be aware of them! When you have a nightmare, imagine yourself having that same nightmare, but this time, you face it or change it. Be sure to write down your dreams and give them appropriate consideration. If you can bring this awareness to your dreams while you are awake, you will in turn bring this waking awareness to your dreams. Lucid dreaming is of course an excellent tool for facing fears in dreams, but as long as you are aware, you don't need to be lucid.

In our dreams, we can be warriors, psychologists, mystics and healers all at once.

[Image from Cloud Cult's album: Feel Good Ghosts (Tea-Partying Through Tornadoes)]

Bee Medicine administered in Dreamtime.

The two weeks I spent in Hawaii were the most glorious of weeks. The Dreaming and Awakening Workshop has eternally altered my mindscape. Before I left, I was stressing out about my next step in life. I had plans to make and commitments to commit to, but I didn't actually *feel* what I was suppose to do. I intuitively decided that whatever happened in Hawaii was going to guide my decisions, and I had to wait until afterwards to move forward.


I began dreaming of the bee during the workshop. Nothing terribly vivid- simply the image of a bee flying in front of me. I didn't think much of it, but it continued to appear in my dreams. Someone I met there at the workshop, someone very dear to me, told me to "hit the ground running." It didn't really hit me until I got home. In the bathroom one evening, the biggest wasp I'd ever seen suddenly appeared on the mirror in front of me. I thought it was strange, was a little scared, but didn't want to kill it, so I just walked out and pretended I didn't see it. A few nights later, I woke up in the middle of the night for my scheduled sleep interruption. Suddenly I heard the buzzing. The huge wasp was now in my room. I watched it as it landed on one of the ceiling fan blades above my bed. It was like it was just watching me. I let it bee (hahahahaha) and went back to sleep. (right into a lucid dream, by the way.)


So finally, I understood the Bee/Wasp Medicine and the need to "hit the ground running." This is usually the time of year I slow down and get a little down myself. Instead, I am pushing myself into creative action. Even when I feel like crumbling and breaking down (and do on occasion), I dive into my endeavors of creativity and community and active motion. Moving into a home with Janelle in NE Minneapolis is like becoming a community. We are planning on transforming our basement space into a healing space to share with those in our own little community as well. I would like to teach a lucid dreaming course there. I am working on healing and music and art and writing and dreaming, and whatever other form of creative expression I can muster to push me through and keep me busy. All of these things are branches of necessary manifestation. I must keep going.

I have come to realize that my purpose is in my dreams. My dreams are my Work. I learned a lot about myself and my abilities in Hawaii, and I am cultivating the necessary skills to continue progressing towards that goal. I seem to be working more and more with animals and detached pieces of people I know or don't know in the Dreamtime.



I have a great deal of study and work ahead of me. It's very exciting.