Change is most often the hardest because we've developed the tendency to make assumptions about happiness. This kind of life = this kind of structure. These kinds of decisions = eventual happiness vs. these kinds of decisions = unhappiness. If you have this = you cannot have that.
Even when we work to not do this, we still do it. I had the biggest example of this smack me in the face and blow my mind this past week:
A little over a year ago, I had this big magical dream for my life. I was going to be a shaman, traveling the world, helping to heal, living on top of a mountain, single and fabulous forever. And then! I fell in love, got engaged, and am getting married in October of this year. And when I saw myself developing this new life with this man with our new rituals and habits and lifestyles, somewhere in my consciousness I was under the impression that I was giving up my old dream for this one. I knew I couldn't be this powerful shaman and be someone's devoted wife at the same time. It just didn't work that way.
When the wedding planning started getting intense, I found myself getting lost in it all. People telling me what traditions I was to uphold, what items I was to register for, what kind of wedding I would have. I've heard a lot about what I'm "supposed" to be. So I freaked out, of course! I don't want to be this, this is not me! I don't think I want this, this is not my dream! Ugh I don't think I can do this! I wanted to be a shaman and now I can't!
And then I realized... WHY NOT?
Who said I can't have both? I choose the life I want, and I can choose to embrace and embody both aspects which seemed so conflicting to me. Happiness to me is a fulfilled spiritual existence where I can grow and lead. Happiness to me is also being with an unconditional lover for a lifetime. Happiness = happiness. Why do we need to complicate it and limit ourselves by what we think is the way things work?
It was such a simple realization. But so rarely do we truly feel like we can accomplish all of our dreams. By allowing myself to express my limitations (via freaking out), they came to the surface to be re-evaluated. It forced me to ask myself the question Why not?
So this a simple reminder. A reminder for you to speak the limitations you're placing on yourself and ask yourself a question. Nothing poetic, nothing profound, just a simple question.
WHY NOT?
Yay! I love this frame of mind - I often remind people of this "why not" way of thinking. If someone says, "I can't do this" or "I can't afford that". I remind them to reframe it and instead ask, "How can I afford to do that?" or "What do I need to accomplish to be able to do this."
ReplyDeleteBeautiful reminders - thanks for sharing this blog post with us!