this is an entirely new brand of suffering i hadn't experienced before. surreal. theatrical. like a fucked up movie where the ending is not particularly pleasant for anyone. but it's kind of beautiful in the literary sense. this is eris, taking form in human emotion. raw. writhing.

this is my emotional rebirthing. and it is for so many other people as well. we are all dealing with the same exact issues with various faces. rebirth is beautiful and amazing, but it is also bloody and traumatic. we are knee deep in the blood of our births and it seems like the pain will never end.

the chaos dragon has forced me to look straight into the eyes of the mirror, deep into that little shadowy pocket in myself. even with all the spiritual transformation and ascension, that little pocket remains. that's where the remnants of my abuse hide. that pocket is the reason that i feel angry at this new kind of betrayal, rather than acceptance. i cannot change people, even if they choose to make reckless decisions that affect me negatively. i want justice, but i know the universe will deliver the divine justice it always does.

these are just emotions! they pass! they change! some of these people we think we love that we think love us back are just emotional attachments without balance! it's a personal sin to settle for someone who doesn't treat you the way you deserve. do yourself a service!

you don't need this. you are afraid to be alone. not only because you are afraid no one else will be there, but because you will have to be there with yourself. but you are more important than your emotional attachments and your lust and your desires and your comforts! you need to figure that out!

it's time to wake up. it's time to eliminate those in your life who aren't good for you. it's time to just be okay with yourself. even though it hurts. even though it KILLS you inside.

i write to you from an altered state of consciousness. induced by the lapping of the waves and the tapping of the rains. i am one hundred feet tall and i am inhabiting.

you have created your own sorrow. while it is true that you create your own reality, you have not taken into account the free will of others and the nature of humanity. your heart is broken by your own illusion, not by that whom you believe has harmed you. you built your loved ones into your ideal reality in your mind, but you can not tamper with their wills without consequence. release them.

let your thoughts wash over you, like wave upon wave washing over the shore. do not hold to them. they are impermanent. they are just passing.

you are not bound to this world. you are not bound to money nor family nor career nor passion. but you are bound to personal choice.

you must hold your beliefs lightly. do not let your beliefs imprison you or prevent your mind from changing and growing. the way is yielding. it is not the firm grip of the defender. it is passive, but it is assertive, because it just is.

we are moving from a dualist world to something more fluid. do not cling to dualism. do not cling to anti-dualism. do not cling to anything which changes. do not cling to anything. feel that everything is one. feel that nothing is a duality. but understand that we still inhabit a world which is strongly dualist, and we must know how to function and relate and understand. do not push away or deny that which is not one in thought yet.

spiritual truths are dangerous when not fully understood and integrated. do not use any spiritual truth as a form of escapism. do not use spiritual truth as an excuse for your actions or your words. you are fully responsible for yourself, and no amount of half-truth will protect you from the consequences. do not think yourself better because you possess these half-truths. they only become full truths when you become humbled and small by them.

be kind. be open. be honest.